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Emelisa Mudle

About - Story :

Heart Art .... and Emelisa Mudle

 

My Story

Ever been in a situation where fears rule your life, where you know there is something better, or at least a better way to be?

 

... please read more ... below the video ...

 

Here is a short video where I am talking about my paintings and how I started.

 

 

My Story

 

Ever been in a situation where fears rule your life, where you know there is something better, or at least a better way to be?


The creativity process started for me over 8 years ago. An interview at a Tafe college "an introduction into fine arts". I remember sitting there feeling as though I was back at high school listening to the teacher again. I never liked school, I was a very insecure, sensitive child on many levels.


I could feel the fear coming up, feeling trapped, tests, failure, what if ???. As the teacher spoke I could see how different it was from those childhood school days. I was asked "why do you want to do this course?" and what came out was "I want to let go". Well, after listening to what he had to say I was so excited I signed right there and then.

 

First day at school, little lunch packed and a box of nerves to boot I headed to class. I wasn't what you would consider a very creative person. The last time I painted I was at state school which was so many years ago.


I had so many fears, comparisons and insecurities come up through this course. " Your not good enough" "what if I fail?"
"I am too stupid to do this" and the punishing thought list continued on...

 

Even though at times I was going through so much fear I really was enjoying the learning and creative process that was unfolding within me. I continued with the course the following year "Fine arts 3". It was certainly a more serious, 3 to 4 days a week and a lot more homework. And, to top it off, almost everyone in there had been doing art for years.

 

I remember my first day painting, it was about having fun and exploring the paint, marks, different brushes etc.. Fun I thought? Fun! She has to be kidding, how can I, the perfectionist, have fun?. So I sat there with brush in hand, looking down at a blank canvas. Everyone was painting and having fun and in that moment I realised I was so scared to fail. I sat brooding, felt like a child at school who had thrown a mood and sat in the corner of the sandpit. After a slight push from the teacher I made my first mark, then my second, then I lost count as it got easier and easier from there. I still found myself comparing, yet I left my mark and that was what counted.

 

This had gone on for months, I couldn't even draw a cube, I sat there and felt so out of place but I was driven. I would get this and I practiced I also started to realise my fears no longer controlled me in this area of my life. I had wonderful teachers whom where very supportive.

 

Why I am sharing this story is that when you choose to let go and face a fear it is amazing what the outcome can be. Letting go took me to a relationship breakup, betrayal issues, leaving college and spending 11 months on a hill on my own. I had never experienced so much emotional pain and seen so many fears, I let fear rule my life. I had smothered myself in so much that I finally just 'let go'.

Yes that was where the 'let go' at the beginning of college took me.

 

I have continued painting at home and did a lot of painting through the painful time and my art started to change. I no longer became scared of the mark, I was the mark - I was no longer scared of me.

 

So many people are scared to try something new. We all have our excuses, I can't draw, I have no creativity, I would be useless at that. We are all creative souls. Our minds are very good at sabotaging us. It takes courage to let go of control and try something different, where we embrace our fear and stop denying it and step through that seemingly large wall. We actually realise that wall wasn't that large after all.


We are so much more than we realise? Have you ever sat quietly and asked yourself: Who am I? What do I really want? I have no idea what is going to happen in my future other than letting go and learning to trust myself and to live my life from my heart - to share love.

 

I wrote this story 8 years ago, since writing this my life has changed in such amazing ways I run workshops and classes as well as private sessions using creativity as a tool to help people gain a better understanding of how their thoughts and fears rule their lives.


I have also come to a place within myself that I truly believe that you can only live life fully if you are being present. Some of my workshops are about delving and exploring thoughts and patterns while others are just about having fun.

 

I have travelled internationally running these workshops as well as in universities and health retreats

 


I feel so blessed to be where I am now and to have created this beautiful world I choose to live in. If I continued saying I cant do this and living my fears I would never be where I am today.

 

I hope you have enjoyed my site and my Short Stories

 

Copyright © Emelisa Mudle - heart art